Harry Potter and the Super Predictable Ending
by White Magic17
Summary: How it could have ended
1. Chapter 1

Yeah this is my humorous version of how the last battle might play out! This is pre book 7

"Harry Potter, yo, what's up dawg?" Voldemort says, jumping out from some dark place.

"Ekks, Voldy!" Say Harry. "Yo scared me, man you gross dude. What happened to yo eyes? Fo shiz they like red or some shiz! What yo been up to?"

Voldemort shrugs, "this and that yo know, just kickin it with my homey death eaters. They throw parties that are off the hook, yo, muggles flying fo sho. But shoot, it yo time to go!"

"Wait dude, I aint gonna kick it now," Harry says holding up his hand like, talk to the hand Voldy! "We need to do this somewhere public fo shiz, so all them wizard folks can like watch us! They to lazy to try and find you, yo, so we should go to them and make it all dramatic, you know what I saying?"

"That dope, alright, we can kick it at the ministry for a bit," both disapparated and appear in ministry.

"Dang, all them wizards are here," says Harry looking around at the packed room they apparated into.

"Ekks! It that voldy-thingy" says Ex minister Fudge

Twins say "Shut up dawg, yo fo shiz is retarded."

Harry says, "Twin's why you here?"

Twins shrug, "shoot, we don't know. Why is you's here."

"To duke it out with this gangster, fo shiz!" Says Harry

"Straight up," says Voldemort

Harry turns to everyone else. "Attention worthless ministry gangster wanna be's. Me and this dude are gonna fight, we wanted all you all to see since this fights been building up for like ever, fo shiz!"

"Straight up," says Voldemort. Both draw wands and bow and throw curses for like a minutes.

"Dang Voldy, yo killen me dawg, fo shiz all those years of dark shiz that you like dedicated your life to has made you like way better, shoot, I'm gonna lose!" Say's Harry as his wand is disarmed.

"Straight up," says Voldemort. "Yo, you didn't think you could hang dawg? That off the hook for funny, shoot yo couldn't even dry yo-self when you and that old guy went after my messed up soul thing that wasn't really there and that the earlier part of this book which isn't written spent way to much time on trying to find. Shoot, that old guy had to dry you off and save your sorry be-hind from then dead bodies too!"

"Like, curse, curse, curse and curse! You right freaky man, I aint that good at this magic stuff, I only still alive 'cause people keep dying to save me. Shoot I'm a gonner!" Says Harry. "Wait, yo dawg how did you know about all those times I proved I was like bad at magic? Was yo sorry be-hind there hiding?"

"Shiz no, I read it in them books fo shiz!" Say's Voldemort holing up a copy of Half Blood Prince

"Oh yea, my bad, I just playin, I'm a pimp and all," says Harry.

"Straight up," says Voldemort raising his wand to kill Harry

"Dang," says all them useless people at the ministry, "the chosen ones a gonner, why we put our faith in some kid anyways, voldy like super strong fo shiz, he didn't even die when that killer curse like hit him, yo, we was confused creepy dark lord, yo the strong one!"

"Shoot that's wack," says Harry, "I aint dead yet, fo shiz I don't know what the last Horocruxe is dawg and I aint destroyed it yet but hey I always make it out of super hard situations yo, like defeating you after only a year of magic school shiz and then I slay that giant snake thing that had really good C.G. and like slayed it with a sword that I pulled out of a hat an everything."

"Well you about to die now so it to late dawg," says Voldemort. "Wait what that annoying noise that always seems to come when I'm about to win? Dang it that red bird that looks like some messed up chicken thing in the movie."

"Sweet, that bird saves me all the time!" Say Harry, "oh shiz it got that stupid hat and sword again, damn bird you on crack? That wont help me now! Wrong book fo shiz."

"Harry you is so dumb," says Hermione who suddenly it there too. "I like all smart and shiz and will spell it out fo you like always, man I waste to much time saving your sorry be-hind. This is the last time then I leaving and gonna kick it with this weird red head boy who is like always jealous of you dawg even though we all know you a gonner and like everyone tries to kill you, yo. N-E-Ways… you the last horocrux yo, why you think you got a sword all them years back, 'cause it looked nice? Shoot you so dumb. N-E-Ways, like stab yo sorry self and destroy his freaky soul thing, yo mope around al the time so it not like you expected to live yo!"

"Dang yo right," says Harry. "I must got that soul inside of me, shoot that's why I can talk to snakes and could get into that freaky chamber thing that only the dark house's founder's kid could get into. That some messed up shiz, alright them, I'm gonna sacrifice myself fo all you people who like were really mean to me even though I'm like the boy who freakin lived."

"Straight up," says Voldemort. "Like if that's the way it got to be, do it fool."

"Shoot I will!" Says Harry, he grabs sword, stabs it into self and dies.

"Will shoot, I in the middle of this useless ministry with all them useless ministry peeps and now I mortal, dang, this sucks!" Says Voldemort.

"Sup Dark Lord dude," says Someone

"Who that?" Asks Voldemort

"Snape," says Snape, greasy hair is stuck and crusted around his face . "I gonna finish you off now 'cause that the way it gotta be, I liked tricked yo sorry be-hind, ya fool! I on that old mans side the whole time."

"Fo real? Dang I was fooled, man I feel dumb," Say Voldemort. "shoot."

"Yep," says Snape killing him. "Dang that felt good yo." Someone hits him with that green killing curse thing, he falls over dead.

"Shoot, who did that?" Ask twins.

"Me dawg," says Neville.

"That wack, why you do that?" Says twins.

"Shoot, I had to do something important dawgs, I aint do nothing good for six books, fo shiz," Says Neville

"True that!" Says twins, everyone else nods.

"Will that was messed up, shoot all them main characters are dead!" Says everyone.

Annoying bird lets out sad annoying song, Neville kills it. "Dang that's twice yo did something we all been wanting to do!" Says everyone. "Yo Neville yo the new minister dawg, that other one doesn't do squat N-E-Ways."

"Sweet!" Says Neville. Everyone is happy and leaves

The End

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	2. Not Another Ending!

"Yo HP sup dawg" says annoying red head dude.

"Word Fo Shizzel my red head niz- er- nerd boy…" say Harry all gansta like

"What up hommies?" Ask Hermione while dropping it like it's hot.

"Stop that gurl, yo look fo sho like a slut/ have way to many clothes on to drop it like that," says Harry.

"Dang that wack HP, let her drop it," says Ron all drooling like thinking man my bo's a fine chic! Ouch! That hot stuff.

Shaking head like – man I have some dumb-a friends thanks jk rolling, you such a G!

Ron like walks under some lamp or something which lightens up his face and all see that his hair has been frosted

"WTF mate!" snaps Harry "Don't move, there's something on your head."

"Off my grill yo, its my new doo."

"Whatev" says curly hair who's still dropping it and checking herself out while she does it in a mirror.

Random darkness comes over room/street/ where ever they all and monster thing appears

"EKKS!" says them "fo shiz we gonners!"

"Muhahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahha!" Laughs evil freaky thang

"WTF mate, what in the name of Merlin who is dead so I don't know why we say his name – is that sound?"

"Muhahahhahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhah!" continues hella annoying laugh that is starting to break up cause monster thang is running out of breath.

"Wow yo've got to give that thang props, it sure can laugh all evil like," says Ron.

"Shut up red head dawg man I'm t'd off right now, this is annoying, ya hear me playa!"

"Then kill it with yo stick fool!"

Harry begins to reach for zipper in pants

"yo wanker, your wand fool!"

"Oh, duh!" Says harry- boy who lived but way wack extraordinaire

Pulls out wand covered in diamonds

"Where yu get that pimp?"

"I need some bling word, if I'm going to be the boy who lived even though I basically suck at life and the whole series is pretty much totally unbelievable but everyone wastes lots of bling and time to read and re read the books and the author of this super amazing fanfics thinks that the time spent re reading the hp series for the 8th time could be better used getting an education….

"Muhahahahhahahahahahhahhahahhahahahahahahhaha!" Shut that freakiy shadow thang up! Cries like everyone who is around

"Fine, AVADA KEDAVERA!" yell Harry like he a ghetto announcer fo sho

"WTF you just killed! Yo is supposed to be good boy who lived!" says everyone

"Technically that would be an incorrect assumption," says brainy gurl who gave up on dropping it and just decided to full on sit on the ground.

Shadow falls over and it's voldy thang

"EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSS!" cries wonder boy who lived with brilliant pickle green eyes that are totally mesmerizing and hasannoying only female weasel woops, I mean Weasley totally enchanted and in love.

" 'you have bewitched me body and soul' dawg," says ginny! (AN quote from pride and prejudice so I documented so please don't sue! Its from the movie…. And book… and play if you care to look at all three then that would be a better waste of your time than reading this garbage… I mean outstanding piece of literature…)

N-E-Ways…. Voldy dies, Harry dies to b/c curse rebounds cause it turns out Voldy's mom died at birth but saved him from dying so he had her protection to and everyone lives… somewhat happy but pretty much boringly ever after

THE END!

AN review if you want, because you totally have time to. Trust me you do! If you just wasted any part of your life reading this, then you obviously don't care about life and have time to review! Have an outstanding day!


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